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8:15 to Tower

Montezuma tower, this is Major Eight-Fifteen
You’ve gotta clear the runway so I can put this thing down clean
I’m coming down, I’m coming fast, and that’s no lie
This engine’s no intention of keeping me up in the sky!

Eight-Fifteen, we read you, but you’ll have to make a pass
the pattern’s full, the traffic’s tight, I’d catch hell from the brass
I can’t have you just barging in, we’ve got a VIP
and she comes first unless you’ve got a real emergency!

Eight-Fifteen to tower, let me try to make this clear
I’m getting light on gas and it’s awfully hard to steer
If you don’t have a runway, can you point me to some dirt?
Mayday mayday mayday, this is really gonna hurt!

This is Montezuma tower hailing Major Eight-Fifteen
I don’t have you on my scope and I can’t see you on my screen
What’s the number, weight, and type of the aircraft that you’re in?
Put your wheels down, Major Mayday, and we’ll try to fit you in.

Major Eight-Fifteen to tower, my wheels are always down
Up ’til now they’ve been quite happy just rolling on the ground
I came off Dead Man’s Hill at a hundred sixty-two
Aircraft type my ass, I’m in a Chevy Malibu!

Major, I don’t care if you are in a car or on a kite
while you are in my airspace, I will see that you’re all right
But tell me how the hell you that pulled off this daring deed
The Malibu is built to last, but they sure ain’t built for speed

Tower, I was tuning up the car a little bit
and I installed a brand new engine that I’d built out of a kit
but the instructions didn’t say that I should take the old one out
and she started up just twice as fast, and she took off with a shout!

Eight-Fifteen, we see you now, you’re good and cleared to land
Although you’ve overshot the runway, and the last small strip of sand
You seem to have a vector on the middle of Lake Tug
I bet you wish you’d traded that old Chevy for a Bug!

Montezuma tower, you’re as funny as a tomb
Please let the boaters know to clear and give me room
If I cannonball the lake, they will surely be all wet
But I gotta tell ya, Tower, I don’t seem to be down yet.

Roger, Eight-Fifteen, you have passed over the lake
You are exiting our airspace, so I’ll give you one more break
I’m clearing you through Denver, down to Dallas and Fort Worth
Please look us up and send a card if you get back down to earth.

Montezuma tower, this is Major Eight-Fifteen
Thanks for all your help, and you have really been a scream
I’m sure I’ll land this car real soon, just as pretty as you like
Whereupon I swear I’m gonna trade her for a bike!

Next Stop:  Amarillo Tower!

Published inPeople


  1. […] I'm about to cross your airspace and you know what that could mean. I got cleared from Montezuma, but I haven't landed yet Please tell your planes to make a hole – I can't quite steer this […]

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